


Coming to Terms

by elinorofealdor



Series: New for Us Both [2]
Category: Wallander (UK TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 10:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elinorofealdor/pseuds/elinorofealdor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a routine call brings tragedy to the Ystad station, Emilia and Magnus must navigate their developing relationship and what kind of future, if any, they might have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Magnus was late in calling, but that wasn’t unusual. Emilia plopped on the couch with a mug of tea and turned it on to surf the local channels. She paused at a news story with a headline “two officers confirmed dead in botched robbery.” She set down the remote, hand shaking as she reached for her phone. She called Magnus -- direct to voicemail. She called the station and the phone rang a dozen times before going to a recording. She tried Kurt, also direct to voicemail.   
Hardly registering her next actions, before she really realized it, she was parking in the visitor lot at the station.  
Emilia pushed the doors open, ignoring the stares from a few officers as she stalked upstairs and into the main office hub. The room was a flurry of activity as she scanned for Magnus. He wasn’t in view and she felt her chest tighten again. She stepped further into the room just as he came out of one of the offices, bedraggled, running a hand through his hair, coat still on. He made for his desk. She opened her mouth to call his name just as he looked up and saw her. His jaw dropped and he strode across the office, dodging a couple officers.  
“Mia,” he said as he reached her.   
“I’m sorry,” she jumped in immediately. “I tried to call as soon as I saw the report on the news, but your phone was off, and I couldn’t get through to the station, and I couldn’t just sit home wondering--”  
She was cut off by his lips, his arms pulling her close as he kissed her. His heart pounded against her chest and when they broke he enveloped her in his embrace. She felt him tremble against her and wrapped her arms around him.   
“Are you alright? Unhurt?”  
He nodded, his curls brushing her neck as he gripped her. “I was first on the scene. We lost two men and I -- I dropped my phone. I wanted to call you as soon as I called it in, borrow a mobile from one of the others when they arrived, but I couldn’t remember your number. When I got back here they pulled me into the office before I had a chance to -- I almost blurted it front of the whole station.”  
“Looks like you just did,” she soothed, running her fingers along the back of his neck as he cradled her in his embrace.   
“You mind?”  
“I’m not the one who’s going to get in trouble.” She kissed his neck and gave him a gentle squeeze.  
They pulled back from one another slightly. Magnus had tears in his eyes as he gazed at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t want--”  
“It’s alright. You’re safe. We’ll talk about the rest later, ok?”  
He nodded.  
“You have a lot to do tonight, I know. And I understand if when you’re finished you want to be alone. But if you don’t--”  
“I don’t.”  
She gave a half smile, running her fingers along his shoulder. “Your place or mine?”  
“Yours,” he replied without pause.  
She gave a single nod, then raised herself on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Just let me know when you’re on your way, alright? I can make tea, or food, or whatever you need.”  
“Just you,” he said softly. “But how will I--”  
Emilia whipped out a pen from her jacket pocket. She pushed Magnus’ sleeve up and wrote her number on his arm, just above the wrist. “Don’t wash that off,” she said with a soft smile.  
He shook his head. “I won’t.”  
“Is Kurt here? I feel like I should check on him, too.”  
“He’s with the team on site. I’ll let him know you came by.”  
“Will you now?” She teased.  
“Yeah,” Magnus said with a weak smile. “He’s the only one who might defend me over what I just did, so.”  
“I’m sorry, again. I just wanted to be sure you were safe and--”  
He cut her off with another kiss. “Don’t apologize for that, or for us. Not ever. Whatever happens, I’ll deal with it. Besides, there are bigger issues right now.”  
“You need anything else?”  
“Just tell me what I need to hear.”  
She smiled, pulling him back to her lips for a soft kiss. “I love you, Magnus. Work hard. Be safe,” she said as she slipped from his arms. “And come back to me.”  
He nodded, snagging her hand and bringing it to his lips before releasing her. “It could be late, like three or four.”  
“That’s fine.”  
“Is it?”  
She nodded toward the offices. “They’re about to call you.”  
He sighed. “Long night ahead.”  
“I’ll wait up,” she smiled, then turned and left the hub, looking back over her shoulder once before descending the stairs to see Magnus deep in conversation already with three other officers.


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost four when Emilia awoke to the sound of keys in the lock. She had stretched out on the couch, kitchen light on, the tv playing soothing jazz as she read a book, now dropped on the floor. She was easing up as the door opened and Magnus slipped in. He set his keys in the drawer of the side table.   
“Don’t get up, love,” he said softly as he came in.  
“You were going to call,” she said as she shifted to sitting.  
“It’s nearly four. I didn’t want to wake you.” He shrugged off his coat and hung it on the hook before coming over to her. He sat on the edge of the couch. “I’m sorry for all this.”  
“It’s late,” she said, quiet but no longer sleepy. “We can talk about that later.” She rose and went toward the kitchen. “Do you want tea? A drink? Food?”  
Magnus clenched his teeth, then sighed. “Tea would be lovely. Maybe with some whiskey.”  
He slipped his shoes off and nudged them under the side table. Sinking back against the couch, he watched Emilia bustle about in the kitchen.   
“You’re upset,” he said after a moment.   
“And you’re exhausted. We can talk later. We don’t have to do this now. You want the whiskey straight, or in the tea?”  
Magnus rose. “Both.”  
Emilia nodded and moved for the cabinet with her glassware, but Magnus made it there first. “Let me.”  
He opened the cabinet and took out two shot glasses. He set them beside the mugs on the counter. Emilia opened the whiskey bottle and poured two shots, then set the bottle down and slid one glass toward Magnus, leaning against the counter as had become his custom. They clinked glasses and took the shot. After setting the glasses back down, Emilia went to pour another and Magnus reached out, clasping his hand over hers. “Wait.”  
She hadn’t looked at him since he came in the door, but her eyes finally drifted up to meet his. Her eyes were dry, but red and puffy from more than just a brief nap. Magnus took the bottle and set it on the counter. He ran the back of two of his fingers along her cheek.   
“This feels familiar,” he murmured.   
HIs head tilted down and he kissed her, soft, plaintive, trying to will her forgiveness through his lips.   
“I can’t do this right now,” Emilia said softly. “But I’m not pulling away. I promise. I don’t want --” Her voice hitched. She bowed her head. “I can’t lose you.”  
Her voice cracked with a sob and Magnus pulled her into his arms.   
“I’m here, baby,” he soothed. “I’m here.”  
“That’s not -- I can’t--” She managed between breaths.   
“It’s alright,” Magnus ran a hand along her spine. “You were right. We don’t have to go into the issues tonight. Soon. Not now. Now this is all I need. I just need you -- darling, I--” His words caught in his throat, tears pooling in his eyes. His arms wrapped around her and he held her tighter. They clung to each other, crying in the soft yellow glow of Emilia’s kitchen. The kettle clicked off and their breathing steadied. Emilia’s arms drifted behind Magnus’ head, fingers rubbing his neck as his grip loosened on her. Her chest pressed against his, still heaving as she came down. Her head tilted up first nuzzling under his neck, then higher to kiss just below his clavicle. He sighed, bringing his head down to kiss her forehead. Their lips drifted together, faces damp from their tears, lost in one another’s touch. When they finally broke, Emilia slipped from his arms and returned to preparing tea. His fingers grazed over her as she worked, watching her. Once the tea was steeping, Magnus shifted away and returned to the living room area, snagging a few tissues from the grey box on the mantle. He wiped and blew his nose, then grabbed a couple fresh tissues. He tossed the used ones into the kitchen bin, and held the others out to Emilia, leaning against the counter opposite the tea.   
She took them and cleaned her face. When she had balled them up, Magnus took them from her and tossed them in the bin while she washed her hands. As she poured the tea and splashes of whiskey into the mugs, Magnus slid around her to wash his own hands. Once dried, he took a mug in his hands.  
“Careful,” Emilia said softly.   
He clinked his mug against hers. “That’s the crux of it, isn’t it?”  
“Magnus--”  
“I’m sorry. I just -- I’m upset, too.”  
“I know.” The pain in her voice rocketed through him, pain for things far beyond their own hurts. “The men who died. Did you know them well?”  
He shook his head. “No. They were patrolmen. I’ve met them a few times, but not -- no, I didn’t really know them.”  
“Still hurts, though. Their loss.” He nodded. “I’m sorry.”   
“I know.”  
They sipped their tea in silence for a moment. Birds began to chirp outside. Emilia sighed. “When do you need to be back?”  
“By ten.”  
“You should get some sleep.”  
He nodded. “I’ll stay on the couch.”  
“No,” she said quickly. “I mean. You can, if that’s what you want. You don’t have to.”  
Magnus set his mug down, then took hers and set it beside his. “Remember when we wouldn’t hide here, in your home?”  
“Magnus--”  
“Just because we don’t have to hide out there anymore doesn’t mean we should reverse that. I want to stay beside you. But I need you to want that, too.”  
She looked up at him, eyes tired and full of frustration and sorrow, but of warmth as well. “I do,” she whispered. He took her hand and they went upstairs. Neither slept much, but each time they awoke there was a silent exchange of longing. For what, they didn’t know, but each exchange ended in their lips meeting and quiet whispers of their love.   
Emilia stayed with him well past dawn. When he rose and went to shower, she followed. Barely a word was spoken between them, and there were more tears, but both had calmed by the time they were dressed.  
Downstairs, Emilia made coffee, pouring most of it in a thermos. She poured the rest into a mug, about half a cup, and handed it to Magnus as he nibbled on a piece of toast. He nodded his thanks and she nodded back.   
He took a few sips as he finished the toast, watching her make her own cup of coffee. When he finished eating, he wiped his hands on the towel slung over the oven handle. He turned to Emilia and pulled her into his arms, hand snaking up her back to twine his fingers in her damp hair. He shifted back to lean his head down and taste her lips.   
“I’ll come back tonight, if you want. We can talk then.”  
Emilia nodded. “Alright.”  
“I’ll call this time.” He released her and went over to the couch, slipping his shoes on. He turned to look at her over his shoulder. “I love you, Emilia.”  
“I love you,” she whispered.   
He came back to her, kissing the top of her head as he swiped the thermos of coffee off the counter. “Thank you,” he said softly, and left without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

At the station, Kurt pulled Magnus into his office as soon as he entered. Magnus felt a familiar ripple of frustration and nerves, remembering the last few times Kurt had talked to him one on one in his office. It usually centered around Emilia, and Kurt’s paternal wariness about their relationship.   
“Before you even start,” Magnus defended preemptively. “Label it whatever: stress, frustration, panic, relief -- it wasn’t the best time or manner to reveal our relationship, but I’m not apologizing for what happened.”  
“Magnus--”  
“I need her, Kurt. And I’ve never known how that feels, not like this. Everything that happened yesterday, I kept think about her. How I needed to get back to her, protect her from something like that ever happening to her, to us. I know the job is supposed to come first, and I handled everything at the scene as best I could. I did my job when I got back here first, even though I wanted to crawl out of my skin just to hear her voice, tell her I wasn’t hurt. When I saw her, I just -- nothing else mattered. Do you know what that’s like? Because I didn’t.”  
Magnus had begun pacing while Kurt leaned calmly against a wall. After a brief silence, Kurt asked, “Anything else?”  
“Yeah,” Magnus replied. He sighed. “So much more. But what do you have for me?”  
“Well, Lisa’s upset because you didn’t confide in her, and because of the ruckus caused after Mia left. Anne-Britt is just -- I think she thinks you would have told her. Everyone else seems either confused or congratulatory.”  
“I didn’t mean to put you in the middle of this. I mean, even though you literally walked into the middle of it --”  
“Don’t worry about that,” Kurt waved him off. Magnus stopped pacing and leaned on the edge of the desk across from him. “This was going to come out eventually. We all knew it. Fallout should be pretty minimal, really. I only wanted to be sure you and Emilia are… I don’t want to pry, but last time you were in a near death scenario, she was there. Understanding what we do, what we may have to face on any given day is one thing to understand intellectually, for a partner and for us, but when something actually happens it -- it can destroy relationships. Even strong ones.”  
Magnus shifted against the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. He bent his head, giving a nod.  
Kurt studied him. “It’s already started, hasn’t it?”  
Magnus huffed. “Do we have to do this here?”  
“No,” Kurt shook his head. “But you should talk to someone Magnus, soon. The grief counselors will be here this afternoon. When you talk to them, maybe bring it up. Or with anyone you feel comfortable -- don’t lose her over this.”  
“You really think she’s panicked for my safety?”  
“Would you be for her if the situation were reversed?” Magnus clenched his jaw, biting back his emotions. “And remember, she’s not law enforcement. Part of our training is to compartmentalize this when we’re on the job so we can do the job. But the aftermath -- no one really trains you for that, for what you can do to yourself, and the people you care about. I’m not a good role model here at all. I know that. Which is why you need to talk with someone better. But you do need to talk to someone. Because so help me, if you break her heart after everything--”  
Kurt’s voice trembled and Magnus looked up. Kurt was holding together but his lip quivered and his eyes brimmed with tears. He noticed for the first time some of the familial similarities between Kurt and Mia and instantly felt a new pang of guilt.  
“I love her, Kurt. The last thing I want is to hurt her. And I already have at times, mostly by keeping things from her, compartmentalizing and failing. I don’t quite know how to fix that, but if I have to in order to keep her, to be good for her, I will.”

Around two, Magnus snuck in a call to Emilia from one of the office phones. Leaning on the desk as he dialed her number with a slightly trembling hand, he shook it out as the line rang.  
She answered with a wary, “Hello?”  
“Hello, darling,” he said, trying to carry the right amount of gravitas mxed with ease. “I just wanted to check on you. See if you still want me over tonight.”  
“You there late?” She sounded exhausted, weary in spirit as much as anything.  
“I’m out at eight. Nine at the latest. I can call when I’m leaving. You don’t have to decide now.”  
“Do you want to see me? Talk?”  
“Of course, Mia. Why wouldn’t I?”  
“I don’t know. I --” There was a small pause, then a deep breath.   
“I know this isn’t going to be easy, or comfortable, but it’s necessary. Whatever you’re feeling. Whatever you need from me, I can’t know how to fix it if you don’t tell me. I’m not afraid of you being upset, or scared, or even angry. Let’s work through this together, ok?”  
Another brief pause, and then, “So you’re not sacked?”  
“No,” he smiled. “Not yet, anyway. I got quite the speech from Lisa, and Anne-Britt’s a bit upset that I didn’t confide in her, and surprised I think that Kurt kept it to himself. The rest is just noise, really. It’s our relationship, not the station’s.”  
“Magnus?” Her voice trembled and he found himself wanting to dash from the offices to hold her.  
“What is it?”  
“I love you. I know you know, and I’ve been trying to show that to you. And thank you, thank you for knowing I need to talk about this and pressing. I -- I can’t articulate so much of it, because it’s so raw and I’ve never… I’ve never--” She stopped, wracked by a sob, and Magnus wondered how long she’d been crying already today.  
“Mia,” he said, calm and reassuring. “I love you, too. And I know you. We’re both still learning, but darling I know you more everyday, and I keep wanting to know more. All of it. Even the mess of this.”  
“I’m sorry,” she said, voice steadying a bit. “I thought I was calming down. I guess not.”  
There was a little huff at the end that sounded like an attempted laugh, then a deep breath before, “How are you?”  
“Shaky,” he confessed. “Our issues aside, it’s pretty tense around here. We’ll talk tonight, yeah? Cry on each other’s shoulders?”  
“That sounds rather comforting, actually.”  
“Mmmm,” he agreed. “You need anything else right now?”  
“Just to know what you want for supper.”  
“You don’t have to--”  
“Shut it. You need food, and so do I or neither of us are going to be cognizant enough for anything but crying.”  
“Then whatever you want to make. Honestly. I’m not in the mood for anything in particular. Just being with you.”  
“Alright. You need anything else?”  
He paused before replying, “No.”  
“Yeah, you do. But you can tell me later. Work hard, Magnus. I love you.”  
“And I love you, darling. I’ll call before I leave. Promise.”


	4. Chapter 4

He did call, just after eight, to let her know he was leaving. He’d been so buried under research, and not really in a chatty mood, so he hadn’t said anything to the counselors about Mia and they hadn’t brought it up.  
On the drive to her place he found himself fidgeting with everything from the radio dials to the upholstery on his seat. What he wanted to touch was so close and yet he didn’t want to press himself on her as soon as he arrived. As tactile as they were with each other, he’d felt her pulling into herself through the night and didn’t want to seem smothering and risk pushing her deeper into herself and away from him. More than anything, he truly did just want to cry with her, in her arms, against her chest. The scent of her, the feeling of his fingers in her hair, her precious heartbeat. Her closeness assuring him that this comfort he didn’t know he craved, and now could not see himself living without, was also comforted and assured by him. Loving each other was certain, but did she need him as he felt the need for her?  
He bit the inside of his cheek. She’d been, all things considered, pretty calm thus far. How much of that was to shield him? To let him have his space to accept and process what happened last night and assess how much he truly needed her? Had he made her doubt how much he needed her strength, her warmth?   
His mind drifted back to last night.   
It seemed a routine patrol call, everyone said. Two officers responded to a break in at a local antique shop. What no one had realised at the time is the shop was dealing more than antiques out of the back end of the business. The break in wasn’t for antiques, but for black market arms, and though the patrolmen turning up put a stop to everything getting more out of hand, both men were killed before the heist was abandoned and the robbers scattered. Magnus was first on scene, only there for a minute before more back up arrived, but in that minute he’d been shocked by the scene and, in some ways moreso, by his thoughts flying to Emilia. He had managed a call to the station, then set his phone on a desk where, as he brushed by, stepping further into the scene, his shoulder tapped an unstable bookcase that fell at a perfect angle to crash onto his mobile. He’d almost laughed at that, before backup arrived and it was all procedure and exams and then being pulled back to the station for his report. All that time, part of his mind had always been on Emilia. He knew he should feel guilty for having focus drawn to her, yet he didn’t.   
When she showed up at the station, he almost cried. How were they supposed to survive a relationship together when he could not make it through an emergency situation that didn’t even put him in danger without fearing for her?

Approaching Emilia’s door, Magnus found himself more uncertain than he’d been all day. When he clasped the door handle, he paused. Closing his eyes, his mind flashed with Mia’s face after their first kiss. She had been uncertain, too, of many feelings. Yet once he had opened up to her, confessed his love, as terrifying as it had been for him, she’d practically leapt into his arms to show her affection. It may not have been devotion yet, not as he felt to her, but he was certain now that no one in his life was as devoted to him as she was.   
He sighed, then opened the door. The house smelled of fresh fish and garlic, of Mia and home. Quiet classical piped through the TV. Magnus hung his black blazer on the hook and shuffled out of his shoes. He pulled his charcoal tee out from his waistband as he moved into the living room.   
Emilia was busy in the kitchen, long fork stirring something in a pot with one hand, a glass of white wine in the other.   
“There’s a glass here on the counter for you, if you want,” she called.   
He waited for her to turn from the stove, then stepped carefully toward her.  
“You alright?” He knew the answer as soon as her saw her, but wanted to see how she would play it.  
Her gaze met his and she nodded, but her lower lip trembled and her eyes were puffy. She set her glass on the counter beside the one she had poured for him and in two small steps was in his arms. He wrapped her in an embrace, kissing the top of her head. She squeezed him, not clinging, but with incomparable longing.   
“Are you alright?” She said softly.  
“Not really. But I’m much better with you in my arms.”  
They held each other for a few seconds long and Magnus felt a warm dampness on his shirt.   
“I’m sorry. I thought I’d cried myself out for the day.”  
Magnus eased back, tilting her chin to meet his gaze. Tears streamed down her cheeks, her whole face reddened with embarrassment as well as her pain.  
“Can I kiss you?” He whispered.  
For a second he thought she might burst into a sob, but she took a breath and whispered back, “Please.”  
As soon as their lips connected, the atmosphere shifted. She stilled and he felt the calm replacing her hurricane of emotions. He let her control the kiss, simply relishing her touch. Pulling back after a moment, she sniffed, then reached for the wine. He took the full goblet and clinked it against hers.  
He took a sip and she downed half her glass. She slipped past him to gather tissues to wipe her face. When she came back to drop them in the kitchen bin, Magnus noticed the pile already inside.  
“Do you need me to do anything?”  
“Not really. You can put the salad together if you want, or you can just relax.”  
“I’ll do the salad,” he said, stepping to kiss her head again before they both got to work finishing dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

Dinner was quiet, not tense, yet heavy with the weight of their troubles. Once they finished, Magnus cleaned up while Emilia made tea, shifting around one another in her small kitchen with barely a word.   
Once settled again on the couch, Emilia curled up against one corner while Magnus sat near her, his legs propped up on the coffee table. They sipped their tea in silence for a moment before Emilia set her mug on the side table.   
“I’ve been going over all this in my head all day. How best to say it all. Maybe I should have written it down, but that seemed too…” She shook her head. “I couldn’t do that.”  
Magnus rested a hand on her foot, thumb grazing along it. “I saw counselors today about the incident. Kurt thought I should have spoken to them about us, but I -- I didn’t want to bring more of us into the station.”  
She nodded. “How did the rest of it go?”  
“Alright, I guess,” he shrugged. “As well as those things can go. It may be selfish, but I was more worried about this than anything else. I’ve done this before, the counseling bit. When everything happened with Kurt and Linda I suppose I had to face up to a lot of things and since then--” He paused, setting his own mug down on the coffee table and shifting to face her. “It’s not often I’m out in the field like that, in any real danger, but I don’t run from it when I am. Physically or emotionally. I just do what I think needs to be done. I’ve never really thought what that could mean, how it could be seen by anyone besides myself, because I’ve never -- I don’t even know if I’m making sense.”  
He sighed and slumped back against the couch.   
There was a pause before Mia began. “I want you to know, first, that I am immensely proud of you and the work you do. Truly. Anything else I feel it’s always supplanted by knowing what you do is important, and doing what you do, being who you are, I’m not asking you to give that up. I don’t have any right to, and I don’t want you carrying the weight of thinking you have to choose between me and your career.”  
“Mia--”  
She held up her hand. “Please.” Her voice trembled and Magnus leaned forward a bit. “If I don’t just get this out, I may not.”  
He nodded.  
“It’s not that you were in danger. I mean it is, but I understand that’s part of the job. We might not be together now if it weren’t for that, at least things could have gone very differently. It’s not that you didn’t call, though I think it’s time we arranged something, a plan or whatever, for me knowing you’re safe, or not safe, when anything like this happens. I know we’ve only been together a couple months but… I think I’m owed that much.”  
Magnus nodded again, but said nothing.  
“You know what I grew up with, the family environment and all that. And you know, for yourself and the people you work with, the procedures for when an officer goes down. But I don’t think you know what it is to be on the receiving end of that. To have that time where you wait and just don’t know. To berate yourself for fearing for only one person when so many others are at risk, too. I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed the aftermath. But I never really understood it until last night. Being the one left home wondering, the scenarios that race through your mind, the impotence you feel not being there. I told myself very young that I couldn’t date any kind of law enforcement because I didn’t want to go through what I’ve seen others go through. But we can’t help who we fall in love with, and I wouldn’t trade one second with you for any other relationships I’ve had, and I can’t imagine I ever will. I just -- I don’t know how to be that woman who can stay home, knowing what her partner could face, what could happen on even a routine call, how she can let him walk out the door day after day not knowing--”  
She was choked by a sudden sob. Magnus shifted forward to hold her and she bent her head, curling up tighter. He paused, then reached out and pulled her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest, head still bent, but didn’t return his embrace.   
“I can’t lose you,” she managed after a moment. “I can’t lose you like that. And I can’t handle not knowing. I don’t know how to do this.”  
He kissed the top of her head, realizing as he held her that he had begun to tremble slightly. He pulled back from her a bit, and gently tilted her chin to meet his gaze. Tears streaked her face, her eyes red, puffy, and full of more love and pain than he had seen from her ever.   
“Emilia,” he said softly. “Will you answer one question for me?”  
She gave a single nod.   
“Do you--” His voice faltered and he closed his eyes, willing away his own tears. “Do you want us to be together?”  
She looked as though he had slapped her and went to pull back, but he clasped her face in his hands. His grip was not harsh, but still gentle, trying to keep her attention on his face.  
“It’s not an accusation,” he said, having to take a steadying breath before continuing. “I just need to know if this is you -- if you think us being together is too much.”  
“Do you?” She whispered.  
“Every day. I love you too much. I need you too much. I want everything of you, even moments like this. And I’ve never -- I don’t know if that’s normal. Or healthy. But Mia I do not want to lose you, either. But above that I want you safe, happy, with a man who is good for you -- not just one who loves you to the point of not letting you go if it’s what’s best.”  
She studied him for a moment, her tears having faded and the sadness in her eyes supplanted by another emotion he had not yet seen in her: rage. It was a flash, a defiant streak of darkness in her, and enough to cause him to drop his hands from her. Magnus swallowed hard.  
“How do I respond to that?” She breathed.  
“Honestly, I hope.” His voice trembled again, and this time he made no attempt to steel himself or hold back his emotions. He felt a tear slip from his eye and the next thing he knew he was on the floor, slunk against the side of the couch, Emilia cradling him in her arms as he cried. As his breathing started to even again, Emilia kissed the side of his head.   
“I think we have our answer, but just to say it: I don’t want us to break up, Magnus. I’m not so afraid of losing you that I’m going to push you away. I just don’t know how we deal with this, but I want us to deal with it together.”  
“So do I,” he nodded, his head brushing against her nose and cheek. “I wish I had answers, Mia. I wish I could be better for you.”  
Now it was Emilia who pulled back to clasp his face in her hands. “Magnus, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The best man I’ve been with. I don’t want anyone ‘better.’ I want you.”  
She moved in and kissed him, their tears mingling on each other’s cheeks. After a moment, Magnus pulled her into his arms, hoisting her easily into his lap.   
“You’ve cried enough for me, darling,” he sighed when they broke a few minutes later. “I’m here, and as long as you want me, I don’t intend to go anywhere. I know I can’t control the world outside these doors. Neither of us can.” He tucked a section of her hair behind her ears and kissed her again. “But I will do everything in my power to come back to you. Always.”  
His last word was whispered so soft Emilia barely heard it as he pulled her back into his arms, holding her against his chest. She tilted her head to kiss his neck, inhaling the scent of him before nuzzling and kissing up to his jaw.  
“Can we take a bath?” She asked softly. He looked down at her. “Not a sexy bath. Just a bath. I think one could do us both good, but I don’t want to -- I want us to stay close right now.”  
He smiled, kissed her, then lifted her in his arms, bringing them both up to standing. “I can’t think of anything better.”  
Upstairs, they bathed together, taking turns washing and massaging one another, talking and coming to terms with their relationship and needs before exiting together as a more unified couple. Tucked against Magnus’ chest in bed, Emilia released a sigh.  
Magnus kissed the top of her head. “Did we just resolve an issue in our relationships without sex?”  
“I think we did.”  
Now Magnus sighed. “I suppose there’s nothing for it. We’ll have to start using that coupley ‘we’ now.”  
Emilia shifted to look at him. “Only if you want.”  
“Only when you want,” he countered. “I’m only teasing.”  
She smiled. “Good. Because I’m perfectly content with us being an us that doesn’t have conditions attached based on other people’s perceptions.”  
“And that’s just one of the reasons I love you, darling.”  
“Tell me more.”  
He smiled back at her, kissing her forehead, and for the next half hour he did. Sometimes she echoed his proclamations, occasionally she added a reason why she loved him, but eventually she fell asleep to his soothing voice continuing to detail all the reasons he loved her. When he knew she was fully asleep, he murmured to the dark, “This job won’t be forever, my love, but I’m starting to hope we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This falls into the 'interlude' category, but not so much with the sexy times as other interludes. Still, relationships aren't just about sex, and making them work requires, well, work. There's more to come, of sexiness and fun, and of deeper, darker things, but I couldn't bring myself to omit this stage in their developing relationship.


End file.
